Malik Willis Is, An Elite Passer. Oops, An Elite Prankster

I'll travel the globe to chase a juicy rumor; I've been to places like Muhlenberg County, Lawrenceburg, Celina, Mount Juliet, McMinnville, Soddy-Daisy, Huntsville, Murfreesboro, Sparta, and even Cookeville, to name a few.

Just the other day, a woman in Paducah claimed to have a college video footage of quarterback Malik Willis being under center during a game and having to leave the field because he was having severe fits of the giggles. The woman asked me to look into the situation because she was concerned that Malik might have a sickness called "Arthur Fleck's Laughing Disorder." Yeah, it's a real thing. There is a clinical name for that disorder, but the name escapes me at the moment. But it's where someone has uncontrolled laughing episodes that happen most unpredictably. That's the same medical diagnosis described in the Joker movie.

So I drove to KY to see this nice lady and her video. What I saw when I got to the bluegrass state was very disturbing: about 85 to 90% of the population in western Kentucky had an uncanny resemblance to former QB Jake Locker. And that includes women and children. Even all the Black people, Latins, Greeks, Puerto Ricans, Asians, and Pacific Islanders looked like Jake Locker too. It was strange. Very strange. But I digress.

After seeing this so-called Malik giggling video, I showed it to three people; two are pro scouts. And the scouts told me they had already seen similar videos of Malik chuckling at the line of scrimmage and that it was "old news." The same scouts said everyone thought Malik would be drafted in the top 5, but a nasty pre-draft whisper campaign happened. Someone had leaked and circulated that footage among the GMs. It caused Malik to slide down the board precipitously.

I did some more research, and I now know everything there is to know about Malik, so much so that I could write a 500-page biography about him if I had to.

Malik is a prankster. He is no evil Joker and doesn't have the Arthur Fleck disease. Instead, Malik is a good kid that enjoys being involved in so-called "locker room horseplay," like roughhousing, popping other players and coaches with wet towels, and playing grab ass. Malik pranks his teammates and coaches, and he's good at it. And no, he's not just good at pranks; Malik is really, really good. I would even go so far as to say that Malik could be considered elite. So, if Derrick Henry is the king of all running backs, then Malik Willis is the king of the prank.

I was really impressed by one of Malik's high school pranks. Malik would frequently call his offensive coordinator's house at 3:00 in the morning, disguising his voice and claiming to be an investigator with the Cobb County Police Department.

Malik once stole an assistant head coach's name badge and changed the name to "IP Mapantz."

Before the 2018 season's first week, when he was at Auburn, Malik tiptoed into the linebacker's room. He saw the linebackers watching film and preparing for the opener. Then, Malik unleashes a fire hose full of water (the large hoses that firefighters use) on the entire room, destroying the game plan and weeks of preparation and damaging more than $48,000 worth of furniture and equipment.

And then there are the infamous baby swap pranks Malik mastered while at Liberty University. Oh, I almost forgot to warn everybody: never, ever, ever let Malik babysit your newborn.

Malik's detractors say he's raw, a project, and it will take a couple of years for him to develop. That may be true. And yes, to this day, Malik still sometimes can't keep a straight face during his pre-snap reads, but...

Malik's got a bright future ahead of him. He is a highly talented young QB with charisma and all the gifts, and he will someday be a star. And, he'll indeed have the last laugh; he'll be laughing all the way to the bank.