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Titans 2012/2013 Season Preview*: Week Two.

Sad trombone for anybody who bought one of these lately.
Sad trombone for anybody who bought one of these lately.

Onwards and upwards, we're heading west this week against the San Diego Chargers and their absolutely adorable little stable of running backs.

Week Two: at San Diego Chargers

Final Score: Titans win 35-3.

This is kind of how I've viewed the San Diego Chargers and their entire organization even when LaDanian Tomlinson was the feature back there and they were winning 13 games a year:


Basically, they were real loud and obnoxious until it came time to man up. Those Chargers teams had some terrific regular season games, but let's be honest, the closest they ever came to doing something important was a game in which their starting quarterback was playing with a torn ACL. This year shouldn't be much different. They'll be picked by several analysts to win the AFC West by default (come on, people picking the Raiders, you know damn well why that's a bad idea) and fall well short of expectations as Denver (lol) marches into the post season. This will infuriate me because I hate Denver, mostly entirely because of Kyle Orton. Something neat: the Chargers picked up Robert Meachem and nobody cares. I dove into why I think Meachem would have been a great free agency target for the Titans this year, but that was all just fantasy, they weren't targeting him and I knew it. So he signed a four year deal in San Diego where he'll probably stink up the joint. I dunno, tough to get open when you line up next to Malcolm Floyd and.......I'm kind of at a loss here, Malcolm Floyd might be the only other receiver on the Chargers with a pulse. Antonio Gates will be Antonio Gates and will probably lead the team in receiving. It wasn't sad when Jimmy Graham was doing it, but it'll probably be a little sad when Gates does it with 800 yards and five touchdowns. Or he could fall off a cliff like I've been expecting him to do forever now. I know he's only 32, but it seems like this guy has been playing since the bronze age. If I have to hear another story about how nifty it is that he was a basketball player at Kent State I'm gonna burst a capillary.

Is the Chargers attempt to run the ball this year not the most painfully adorable thing you've ever seen? It's like watching baby ducks get knocked over by the wind, you can't help but cringe and say "aw" at the same time because it's so pathetically cute. Seriously: Ronnie Brown? Jackie Battle? Curits Brinkley? Stop it, Chargers rushing attack, you're killing me. Until Ryan Matthews comes back, you are officially the most pitiful thing in football.

The only one I'm not going to go in on here is Phillip Rivers. Phillip RIvers is a warrior and a damn good football player and shame on you for thinking any different. San Diego has owned us in the past, we haven't won against them since 1993, he's a big reason why that trend continued into the 2000's.

All in all, this game is a joke. The Chargers will have negative rushing yards and when they finally cross mid-field halfway through the third quarter, a solar eclipse will appear marking the end of days. Jake Locker goes nuts in the game, scoring three rushing touchdowns and Matt Barkley's girlfriend while Kenny Britt, making his triumphant return to the field, hauls in two TD's in the first quarter while wearing the suit he went to court in with a little house arrest shock collar around his ankle. In a perfect world, the Chargers will have re-signed Bob Sanders. Bob Sanders is concussed after a horsefly lands on his helmet. Chris Hope makes an appearance. Nobody notices. Poor Chris Hope. All in a days work as the Titans improve to 2-0.