News Flash: The Colts, Jaguars and Texans fans are all bottom feeders. These fans will do whatever is necessary to win the division, but the Houston Texans fans are the worst of the three. This reporter has unearthed a sinister plot by some Houston Texans fans and their Colt and Jaguar cohorts. This post will expose an evil conspiracy against one of the Titans players that could affect the competitive balance of the AFC South for years to come.
Last week I received a call from a high ranking government official asking me to meet him at Percy Warner Park in Nashville. This government official showed me a file that had details about an NFL owner that had suddenly sold his football team. Apparently the team was sold to the brother of a popular Tennessee governor. Also in this file, there were photos of 3 buxom beauties and documents implicating some Houston Texans fans. Allegedly some Texan fans were involved in a scheme to pay these 3 women large sum of cash to cut Kendall Wright hair just days before the 2012 NFL season started.
Why would the Cleveland Brown’s owner abruptly sell his team and why the hell would Texan fans want to pay 3 women thousands of dollars to cut Kendall Wright’s hair? After weeks of investigating these two mysteries, I discovered that the Browns owner had missed out on drafting Kendall Wright in the 2012 NFL draft, but I still couldn’t see the connection of the 3 women and their interest in Kendall’s hair.
A day later I received an unusual phone call from a stranger claiming that one of Kendall Wright's coaches had said Kendall has "star written all over him." The anonymous caller paused and loudly exclaimed "He is the one!!!" and before I could ask the anonymous caller who he was, all I could hear was a dial tone. Now I found that phone call to be weird because I have no idea which coach made that statement or if that statement was made at all.
After hearing about the "star written all over him" comment from the strange caller, I remembered a conversation I had with a Native American High Priest from the Navajo Nation about 7 years ago. This very old holy man was very respected by his people and has since passed away. This Priest told me an ancient story that has been passed down from father to son for centuries.
Every 13th generation there are two births; two boys born in the same year but one boy’s arrival is simultaneous with a fallen star. Both boys would become men and grow to have very long hair. One boy would be called "The Great Buffalo" primarily because his hair is like that of a buffalo. This boy's power was strengthened by the thickness and length of his hair. The other boy was naturally weak but would gain his power once his hair was cut.
This might sound crazy and I admit that I was reluctant to post this information because even I thought it was too incredible to believe but,,,,, I think that Kendall Wright is the first boy referred to as the Great Buffalo that gains power from his hair and Blaine Gabbert is the other boy. The buffalo is very sacred in Native American culture, so you can decide for yourself if you think Kendall’s hair resembles that of a buffalo.
Every culture since the beginning of time has held a healthy mystique for hair and its power. The Navajo are no different. Now I am not an expert on interpreting Native American folklore but I believe the meteoroid or so called falling star in their story could be visually interpreted as the Titans logo which looks similar. Now the falling star is sometimes called a shooting star so the quote from the unknown Titans coach referring to Kendall and stars kinda make sense.
Now I could be wrong about Kendall’s hair and my whole conspiracy theory and interpretation could be way off base but what if I am right? Do Titans fans know the stakes? What if these 3 buxom beauties continue to affectionately kiss and caress Kendall. What if these attractive women cut off all of Kendall’s hair or even worst, cut his hair to a closely cropped fade? Will Titans fans take the necessary steps to protect Kendall and maintain our team's standing in the division? And what if some low life Colt or Jaguar fans deliberately pours beer on Kendall's head and causes us not to make the playoffs?
As for me, I ain't taking no chances man, I can't just sit still and let the team go down in flames. Kendall could easily averaged 200 yards receiving each game if those low down good for nothing Texans fans hadn't paid those 3 women.
So Titan’s Fans Please Hear My Rally Cry!!!
I am calling on all Titans fans to implement a prevent defense. We must band together to prevent our AFC South foes from cutting Kendall's hair. Kendall’s hair must be allowed to grow wild and free. We need Kendall’s hair to be full and thick again just like that of the Great Buffalo.
We need Titans fans to go to every Walmart to buy up all of the hair clippers. We need overseers; people that can be in Kendall's vicinity at all times. Please join the cause. Yes, I am a modern day Paul Revere. Yes, I am asking for 8 good men to volunteer to watch over Kendall's hair. Yes, we can operate in two men shifts on a 24 hours a day watch and yes, I am currently looking for two dedicated Titans fans to commit their time from 11:00 pm to 3:00 am for the next 14 years. And to you women who support us, don't feel left out. You can also serve by shadowing Kendall wherever he goes. You can help by creating and installing yard signs for our AFC South foes with the message: "Do Not Cut!!!, Do Not Cut!!!".
Are you with me Titans fans? Now Lets Go Win the Division! AAAAAHHHHRRRR!!!!!!