Hey, MCMers! It's November 7th, 2012.
Well, not for you guys yet. Here's the thing..
It turns out that Pratt became so rich at his job, he ended up earning a contributor position (read: bought himself into being a contributor).
Pratt also became so rich, that he ended up buying a time machine. No, seriously. A real time machine. So, as part of that, everyone at MCM is supposed to write some sort of blast-to-the-past type of post, and he'll send them all back in time to "troll MCM from the future". Of course, doing this will pretty much erase our version of the future, so time is going to be the ultimate troll.
Anyway, I'll start out by revealing the news that of who won the electi- oh, right, no politics. My bad.
I guess we'll just go with sports.
BEST TEAM IN THE NFL AS OF WEEK 9
This will come as no surprise to anyone, really. In the NFC, it's the Packers. They're 8-1 as of right now. The Bears are closing in on them though, so we'll see if they can keep up. In the AFC, it's the Bengals and the Ratbirds. The next part of this goes without saying: GO BENGALS!!!11
WORST TEAM IN THE NFL AS OF WEEK 9
It's actually a tie right now. The Vikes, Cards, and Redskins are all tied for the 'Suck for Barkley' contest at 1-8. The Vikes were winless for most of the stretch. Christian Ponder is NOT looking like the answer up in Minnesota.
MY FAVORITE NON-TITANS MOMENT SO FAR
The Steelers. Oh, Steelers. 4 wins, 5 losses. Your best safety is injured, your offensive line sucks. Most of you are begging for Bruce Arians back. You could have asked Chiefs fans how much Todd Haley's offensive schemes blow, you know. Of course, it didn't help that your best downfield receiver pulled a CJ1.3 YPC. Held out for more money, then proceeded to suck. The only thing I hate about the team from America's Armpitt doing badly this year is the Ratbirds taking advantage of it. They're not the only AFC North team taking advantage of it, though.
The Browns-.. just kidding. They're 2-7, and Weeden looks terrible. (Richardson has been pretty good though)
The Bengals are tied with the Ravens record-wise at 6-2. The Ravens hold the tiebreaker because they beat the Bengals in Week 1, but at least they're not running away with the division.
AS FOR THE RIVALS
The Texans are 4-4 right now. Their magical season from last year didn't really carry over, maybe because they lost so much in the offseason... though I'll admit some of the games I've noticed, they've had a couple of amazing comebacks from the teams against them (Broncos wk3, Ravens wk7) and some wacky plays (the Jets game). We haven't had any seriously wacky plays go against us like that this year, save for the Lions game.. but Megatron doing that sort of thing isn't really that wacky.
The Jaguars are 3-5. I expected them to be much worse before the season. Gabbert actually learned how to make throws DESPITE still looking like a wet cat in the pocket. It helps having Mister DUI to throw a crappy pass to when you're falling backwards away from a 300 pound lineman while screaming bloody murder. The main reason the Jaguars won three games so far is their defense, though.
The Colts are 2-6. That is the least unexpected thing so far. They gutted their team and their staff so badly... and Luck certainly isn't the next Peyton Manning. Of course, I've been told several times on here that Luck sucking so far doesn't mean much because of the situation he's in, and that Manning had a really terrible rookie season too. Still, Luck looks like a QB that just got drafted out of a college team where he had minimal risk, thrown into a complete dumpster fire of a team way too early, and is suffering for it. At some times this year he's looked like a Blaine Gabbert.
ON THE TITANS SIDE OF THINGS
I don't want to rewrite the future by jinxing us, so I'll leave our record as a mystery right now. Just remember: When we start the season 0-2, don't try to panick too much. (Saying this is guaranteed not to change the future because nearly everyone at MCM is inevitably going to panic)
And when Jade Scorpion pops in and calls for Mike Munchak's job in Week 4, leading a small army of Facebook migrators, please, don't argue with them, just ignore it. That whole blow-up is what we now call Thorgate.
Oh, and this won't come as a surprise to many of you: Chris Johnson continues to suck. Wright is badass, and our quarterback (not spoiling it) is really sparking the passing offense this year. I personally attribute that to the fact we had a full off-season in place to get the system working.
Our defense is awesome this year, though. We've been causing fumbles all season so far thanks to our awesome LB core of Akeem Ayers, Colin McCarthy, and Zach Brown. Brown was definitely a draft steal. The only regret I have for Brown is the way all the raving about him has made noles' head swell.
And let me just say.. It's refreshing for us to finally have an actual passing offense... and not because our running game can't do anything (although that's part of it), but because our passing offense is so good.
So, from 4 months in the future, I'm signing off.
[Disclaimer: If you see your future self posting something on MCM, then don't be alarmed. Your account is only being hacked by Pratt. Future Pratt, probably, unless our Pratt already broke the number one rule of time travel and contacted his past self. Either way, Pratt is hacking your accounts. One of them. There might be two Pratts in your current time now, actually. God help you.. err.. us.]
(There's also the possibility that this is just Pratt trolling the entirety of MCM, making everyone make these 'time capsule' type fanposts and then we'll just sit there wondering at the possibilities while absolutely nothing happens.)
(That's probably exactly what this is.)