*Mike Munchak drags his leather chair out from the coaches office into the middle of the locker room and takes a seat, his foot kicked up onto a nearby wooden bench*
[Munchak] Before I say anything at all, Fernando, hey Fernando. You see that corner over there? Go sit and stare at it until I leave the room. You know what? I'm gone. I'm fully prepared to receive a phone call from Mr. Adams saying I'll be relieved of my duties at the end of the season. But guess what? I ain't even mad. You guys lose games in ways I'd not believe was possible. You are by far the funniest team I have ever seen. So I will no longer be "coaching". Instead I will make minor suggestions to the staff in a effort to ween myself away from you guys. My first suggestion is to you coach Lowry. Mike Griffin on kickoff......no. Just no.
On defense, I was quite impressed. You guys did a pretty good job today. With the exception of a few plays. Like perhaps that one play where Andrew Luck threw the ball to that one guy who ended the game. Yeah those kind of plays. I was once again impressed with the pressure down on the line. Karl, you'rw one bad dude and Derrick, where's Derrick? You are coming along quite nice kid. I'm proud of you. Although you may want to work on the little things, like not moving until the ball is snapped. Know what i mean? Then once you master that, go ahead and teach it to Sen'Derrick.
On offense, you guys are killing me. Jake, I love ya kid. You're a warrior, but you also make some of the craziest passes. Remember when we were watching those youtube highlights of Kerry Collins when he played for us? What was the one play he called the most?
[Locker] A throwaway
[Munchak] That's right, he makes some of the finest throw away passes I've ever seen. Nice tight spiral with plenty of zip as it careens into the Gatorade table. Those are the type of plays I want to see from you. And do me a favor, look, before you throw. Because that pick 6 was about as telegraphed as they come.
I want you guys to know that I'm not mad. I do not blame you for my soon to be dismissal from the organization. If I lame anyone, it's without a doubt, Griffin.
*Griffin puts his hands up in confusion*
[Munchak] I just plain don't like you.
*Munchak walks out of the room followed by Dowell Loggains and Rusty Smith*
[Munchak] DOWELL, TAKE THOSE DAMN SUNGLASSES OFF! WE'RE INDOORS!!!