Ask a Titans Fan: Would Someone Please Murder Me? Edition

Yes I know, I know I've hit rock bottom to ask Titans fans to ask me questions about the Titans so please don't remind me how pathetic I am. Aside from being depressed and tormented about my miserable life, my beloved Titan's losing season is coming to an end and all I have to look forward to are mock drafts from obscure analyst and fan speculation about a possible overhaul of the coaching staff.

It's bad enough that the Titans are ignored by the national media but even the fans of our upcoming opponents disrespects us. Our enemies don't even respect us enough to post a "Ask a fan" fanpost anymore so I thought that I would create this uplifting fanpost to encourage Titans fans and in the process answer all of your Titans questions. And what the hell, I'll just keep it real by acknowledging that these ask a fan fanpost usually get a lot of comments.

This has to be the worst day of my life. Who would have thought that the great Black Helicopterz would shamelessly beg for a high comment count? I am a little embarrassed to make this request but would you please help a brutha out anyway? Please send me only softball questions. Please no hard questions like "does the team runs a 3-4 or 4-3 defense?" or "who is the Titans special teams coach?"

The big bosses at MCM will be watching this post very closely to see if I have the timber to be a contributor. They have agreed to give me a tryout to become a contributor under the condition that I generates lots and lots of comments. Also I must show these corporate masters that I am knowledgeable about all things Titans. I am required to be courteous to all respondents and I am not allowed to be critical of MCM or their sponsors. I am not allowed to indulge in any conspiracy theories.

I must admit that trying out for a contributors job is so degrading. The only people who have tryouts for jobs are people who work at Comcast, cheerleaders and lead singers of boy bands.

I am sure that Jake1010, Dynamic Dreds and SuperHorn never had to humiliate themselves for their contributors job. But I am sure that they met in a quiet room with MCM’s management, plotting ways to stab me in the back. What a bunch of losers!!

It is a real shame that I will do practically anything to become an MCM contributor. I hate selling out for "The Man." I really, really hate replying to comments to my own post but lets get this over with.

MERRY CHRISTMAS TITANS FANS!!!. Black Helicopterz is standing by to take your Titans questions.

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