Now that the draft is over and the Eighth Court has upheld the lockout, it's time to kill some time. What better way to do that than with speculation and bragging rights?
Stampede Blue Some insane sports blog recently ran an article breaking down the AFC South position by position on offense. Let's turn up the heat and go even more in-depth and RE-RANK the division on offense again, using their player listings, but in a more accurate order. Who has the best players at the position, and what is the best overall team in the division? Why, the Titans of course...except for RB.
Quarterback - Um...the Titans, duh!
2. Matt Schaub
Let's be honest, with a new HC, new coordinator and rookie QB who's dad was man enough to cry on ESPN...this team is going to have the best QB situation in the division. If Locker needs time, Collins can show O'Donnell and Hentrich where the Fountain of Youth is that he tapped into for 2008.
Matt Schaub is always coming up just short of being number one, just like his team, see the Colts ranking for the reasoning, and I would comment on the Jags QBs, but I don't think anyone would notice, sort of like when they play at home.
Running Back - Advantage, Colts
2. Houston - Arian Foster
3. Jacksonville - MJD
4. Tennessee - CJ
I really wanted to put the Titans first, I really did. Unfortunately CJ didn't back up his 2500 promise, so he can't be number one. Arian Foster could be a flash in the pan! A one-year wonder! Another Chris Henry! Hold on, wait...
Since Indy allegedly has some of the best skill position players in the division, that means their duo of Addai and Brown is better than everyone else, no matter what you may think.
Fullback - Advantage, Tennessee
1. Titans - Ahmard Hall
3. Jags - Greg Jones
4. Texans - Vontae Leach
Sarge is just a beast and a former Marine, if he's not number one I'm afraid he could go all Seal Team Six on me...and he definitely goes Seal Team Six on opposing defenses.
I felt bad for Jacksonville so I gave them the third spot (don't you DARE challenge my reasoning), and we all know Jacob Tamme and Brody Eldridge are
tight ends fullbacks, and since we've already established the Colts have the best backs in the division, they have to be right up there at the top.
Wide Receiver - Advantage, Tennessee
Did you see what Kenny Britt did against the Eagles?! I mean, he had Grandpa Kerry playing the role of QB and he made the entire Eagles secondary his bitch...in just one half! That alone elevates the Titans to number one at receiver. Let's not forget Justin Gage is 100% coming back despite being a free agent and will make two amazing endzone catches every game to help superstar QB JaKerry Lo'Donnell lead the team to a 16-0 season.
Andre Johnson is a whiny bitch, but still very good and single-handedly gives that team an offensive threat that helps everyone else on offense and makes Matt Schaub look much better.
The Colts wideouts are getting old or overrated, the above-average play of Manning elevates their ranking.
Once again, I just don't think it's worth talking about the Sparkle Kitties' receivers, has anyone heard of them? Bueller?
Tight End - Advantage, Titans
1. Titans - Jared Cook,Craig Stevens,The Ghost of Wycheck Past
2. Colts - Dallas Clark,Jacob Tamme/Brody Eldridge
I know, I know, that silly sports blog lists Bo Scaife as a Titans TE. However, my guess is they'll replace him with The Ghost of Wycheck Past to be a veteran presence at the position. Jared Cook has been referred to as a "freak" of a tight end. "Freak" = "The Freak" = Jevon Kearse Reincarnated! Cook/Kearse is likely to give up 16 sacks, thus fulfilling the prophecy of being a freakish athlete...who can't block. Still, if this IS Kearse, he has to be number one on the list.
Dallas Clark is flanked by two no-names but still is the best of the rest. Owen Daniels and James Casey are each one baby-step away from going on IR, and Marcedes Lewis - hey, a recognizable Jaguar! - is the only receiving threat the Sparkle Kitties have...still not good enough.
Offensive Tackle - Advantage, Titans (Surprise!)
Roooooooooooooooos and "Big Country" team to give the division's (and one of the league's) best tackle tandems. Roos is the good cop to Stewart's bad cop, but together they will give JaKerry Lo'Donnell plenty of time to do his thing.
For some reason backups and beyond are listed here, since we all know tackles are regularly rotated on any given series. Thus, since quantity is always better than quality or even unproven, the Colts get the second spot since they have the most names listed.
Offensive Guard - Advantage, Titans(Completely unbiased, non-homer alert!)
2. Colts - Benjamin Ijalana, Jacques McClendon, Ryan Diem
If Leroy Harris is playing guard again, the Titans O-line is going to be unstoppable. Too bad for the rest of the division. The Jags' linemen have cooler names than the Texans, so that obviously makes them better.
Center - Advantage, Titans
1. Titans - Fernando Velasco, Kevin Matthews (again, dare I say Fernando Velasco?)
2. Colts - Jeff Saturday
3. Jaguars - Brad Meester
4. Texans - Chris Meyers
Despite Eugene Amano having started at center most the season, and just one year into a pretty big contract, our friends at that silly blog have the Titans using Velasco or Matthews as the starting center. This is probably a clairvoyant decision as since Kevin Matthews is one of those Matthews, he's likely to become a 50-year starter, start over 400 consecutive games, and be able to be the emergency QB...cause he's that versatile AND he's a Matthews.
So what does this all prove? Only that the Titans obviously have the best team in the division heading into the new season, and is completely representative of the parity-filled nature of the NFL. With improvements and new faces at virtually every level of the organization, the Titans are primed to recreate their 1999 magic and win with a bunch of unfamiliar names, and be better than their division foes on the offensive side of the ball.
This breakdown was in ABSOLUTELY NO WAY A HOMER PIECE BIASED IN FAVOR OF THE TITANS. IF YOU SAY OTHERWISE, GOD HAVE MERCY ON YOUR SOUL!