FanPost

Know Your Enemy: The Bye

Ah, the bye.

A time to rest up, heal, see family, re-energize.  What could possibly go wrong with a bye week?  Put yourselves in the shoes of an NFL player with a week off from the stressful regular season, and let's see what you can get up to.

Well, you could go to a nightclub and feel the need to spit your drink all over a woman's face.  Then flee from the club, only to be tackled by pursuing police officers.  Circa Larry Johnson, October 2008, during a bye week, benched for the following game against guess who?  Us.  So if you're an AFC player not on a team with a flaming thumbtack on your helmet, please feel free.  You didn't really like that drink, anyway.

Another way to meet members of your local law enforcement is to get drunk and stand in the middle of traffic on a busy street so you can talk to a girl on the curb, as Danny Ware of the Giants did in 2008 during his bye week.  I can personally sympathize with this one.  Talking to the girl on the curb is clearly way more important than those people going from point A to point B.  What was wrong with point A anyway?

Or, you could gleefully twitter "Bye week!  bye week bye week bye week!", then rush out to get stinking drunk, end up shirtless after taking a swim in a city canal and announce to responding officers  "I am drunk!", and claim you got wet in a rainstorm.  Circa 2010, Pat McAfee of the Colts.  The stress of NFL punting was undoubtedly to blame.

For simplicity, just get drunk and fall asleep in a Chevy Impala.  Oh, be sure to park it in an intersection first.  Marcus Johnson, Bucs, 2009 bye week.

If simplicity is just not your thing, and you really want to share your buy week, how about flying in a bunch of prostitutes from various cities, stocking up on sex toys, and renting a couple of charter boats for yourself and hip teammates?  Yup, that was a 2005 Vikings buy week.  Fred Smoot was the player who needed so desperately to unwind.  No cocaine, though.  Amateur.

So, Tennessee Titans, know your enemy.  Have a very, very boring bye week gentlemen.

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