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Alternate Universe: If I Were Head Coach

 

The year was 2010.  The Tennessee Titans had just lost to the Miami Dolphins in week ten of the National Football League season.  For Tennessee, the loss had been demoralizing.  The roller coaster ride of a season had reached a dizzying height the week before when it was announced that Randy Moss had been claimed on waivers and would be joining the team.  The euphoria was quick to dissipate as the Dolphins, lead by three different quarterbacks, handed the Titans their fourth loss of the season, and second in a row.

Realizing that the team had been spinning it's tires all season long, owner Bud Adams decided on a change.  Much to the league's surprise, the long tenured head coach Jeff Fisher, was replaced by a young up and coming blog troll named Gas-House Gorilla.  The football world was stunned.

Gas-House wasted no time in creating an atmosphere of change, quickly firing then offensive coordinator Mike Heimerdinger, and replacing him with the first person he could find that showed some seblance of creative play calling.  In his press conference, Gas-House was quoted as saying, "I'm a gambler.  Always have been, always will be.  It's to the Superbowl or die trying for us.  Straight cash."

The next week brought forth a new era in the NFL.  One which has been dubbed, the Straight Cash Offense era.  Coach Gas-House had dropped all tight ends from the roster, leaving some to wonder how would the offense survive without Bo Scaife's incredible play making skills.  The question was answered quickly in the dismantling of the Washington Redskins at LP field.  The titans, under coach Gas-House brought back the old Houston Oilier run and shoot offense.  Play after play, they lined up 4, sometimes 5 wide receivers.  The highly touted Chris Johnson caught passes in and out of the backfield all day long.  The agile Vince Young glided in and out of the pocket with ease, as there just weren't enough defenders to put any pressure on him whatsoever.  The game ended with the Titans claiming victory by a margin of 49-24.  Vince Young threw five touchdown passes and ran for two more, as he racked up over 400 yards of total offense.  Chris Johnson, though only rushing the ball six times, piled up over 175 yards of total offense both rushing and receiving.  Thus the legacy was born.

The Titans continued to use this same philosophy for the remainder of the season, winning easily each week.  By the season's end, opposing team's defensive cooridnators began to theorize that there was no way mathematically to defend a spread offense consisting of, Young, Johnson, Moss, Britt, Washington, Williams and Hawkins.  This theory became law as the Tennessee Titans were crowned Superbowl champions in 2010.

Over the course of the next three seasons, the Titans as a franchise broke offensive record after offensive record and solidified their position as a dynasty by winning each Superbowl, giving them four straight championships.

The story doesn't end there my friends.  The NFL is a copycat league and as more and more teams began to utilize the Straight Cash Offense approach, coach Gas-House made another change.  When asked what he thought about teams adopting his offensive approach, he was heard remarking, "Played out, homey."  He subsequently traded away all offensive play makers for draft picks and began creating a smash-mouth ball control type team based around a four headed running back system called, "The Hydra."


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