1. Dallas Cowboys (via Cleveland): DARREN McFADDEN, jr, RB, Arkansas
2007- Anthony Spencer, OLB
The Cowboys are loaded. Cleveland spent the top pick on Brady Quinn, who, by draft day 2008, will have tested positive for Harringtonitis subscapularum (a disease where a vagina grows on your throwing arm). Now the NFL gets to see this talented Scotsman take Dallas to the Superbowl.
2. Kansas City Chiefs: BRIAN BROHM, QB, Louisville
2007- Dwayne Bowe, WR
Matt Ryan will fly up draft boards late, but after a catastrophic season the club goes with the consensus.
3. Atlanta Falcons: DESEAN JACKSON, jr, WR, Cal
2007- Jamaal Anderson, DE
Looks like an idiotic pick. But the Falcons signed Leftwich. Leftwich will thrive. He punts the ball from his shoulder, unlike Harringbone. Desean just runs the thing down for 20+ catches of more than 30 yds in his rookie season.
4. Washington Redskins: CALAIS CAMPBELL, jr, DE, Miami
2007- Laron Landry, SS
How can a team start 2-0 then fall to the fourth worst team in football? Because the NFC is horrid. Calais (is that French?) runs a 4.1 forty at the combine then dunks a 200lb lead basketball.
5. Arizona Cardinals: JAKE LONG, OT, Michigan
2007- Levi Brown, OT
Leinart has only been sacked once this season, which leads the league. It would have made more sense for a team like Atlanta to pick up the top tackle in the draft, which is why the draft plays out just like I predicted.
6. Miami Dolphins: SAM BAKER, OT, USC
2007- Ted Ginn, WR
Poor Dolphins. They wanted to look so smart here and make a value pick. But the dice bounces the wrong way and they get a mediocre guard.
7. Oakland Raiders: TONY HILLS, OT, The U
2007- Jamarcus Russell, QB
My first prediction here is that Texas racks up enough jail time to reclaim the title of 'The U'. Second, Hills is dominating and will run a 4.88 in the combine. The Raiders would love to trade out of this pick, but they won't play nice with reasonable offers. They take the 3rd OT on the board.
8. New York Jets: REY MAUALUGA, jr, MLB, USC
2007- Darrelle Revis, CB
He is the best player in the draft.
9. Minnesota Vikings: MATT RYAN, QB, Boston College
2007-Adrian Peterson, RB
The Gods tell me that Ryan is going to end up in Chicago, but I can't see that happening this year.
10. New York Giants: KENNY PHILLIPS, jr, SS, Miami
2007- Aaron Ross, CB
2004 USA Today High School defensive player of the year, look it up. Suddenly the Giants look scary...er.
11. Carolina Panthers: DERRICK HARVEY, jr, DE, Florida
2007- John Beason, LB
They take a DE here. If Harvey stays in school to finish his degree in Computational Topography and Advanced Mathematics, then look for one of the lesser scholars in the DE run below.
12. Buffalo Bills: QUENTIN GROVES, DE, Auburn
2007- Marshawn Lynch, RB
They could use some O-line or secondary help, but they go with Groves.
13. Seattle Seahawks: DAN CONNER, LB, PSU
2007- Josh Wilson, CB
Turns out Laurinits is the better LB. But Conner is pretty damn solid.
14. Houston Texans: RAY RICE, jr, RB, Rutgers
2007- Amobi Okoye, DT
They take a high jersey seller to make up for the Bush debacle.
15. St. Louis Rams: EARLY DOUCET, WR, LSU
2007- Adam Carriker, DE
The Rams take Doucet no matter where they're drafting, so long as Desean Jackson is off the board.
16. Philadelphia Eagles: JOHN DAVID BOOTY, QB, USC
2007- Kevin Kolb, QB
There's something so right about Booty in the city of brotherly love.
17. Baltimore Ravens: LAWRENCE JACKSON, DE, USC
2007- Ben Grubbs, OG
Look how easy it is to replace Suggs.
18. Tampa Bay Bucs: COLT BRENNAN, QB, Hawaii
2007- Gaines Adams, DE
First, I'm shocked the Bucs finish so high, but someone has to win games in the NFC. Second, who do you choose when your job's on the line? Colt Brennan won't win the Heisman, but he will end up in a warm weather jersey.
19. Cincinnati Bengals: GLENN DORSEY, DT, Miami
2007- Leon Hall, CB
Their defense looks woeful. This is a long way for Dorsey to fall, but he lands soft.
20. Denver Broncos: JAMES LAURINITIS, MLB, Ohio St
2007- Jarvis Moss, DE
Shit. Now the AFC has one more team with a amazing D for the next ten years.
21. Detroit Lions: MICHAEL OHER, jr, OT, Ole Miss
Can Kitna really lead the Lions to a winning record? It would take a miracle.
22. Jacksonville Jaguars: ERIC AINGE, QB, Tennessee
2007- Reggie Nelson, FS
A nice career second stringer. I'd be surprised if they went for Andre Woodson. I'm not sure who actually will go for Woodson. Ainge will start for a few years, have some great games that draw comparisons to Peyton Manning instead of Elvis Grrrbach.
23. Green Bay Packers: ADARIUS BOWMAN, WR, Oklahoma St.
2007- Justin Harrell, DT
24. New Orleans Saints: JUSTIN KING, jr, CB, PSU
2007- Robert Meachem, WR
This guy's a one-man secondary. If he declares, he'll likely go in the top ten.
25. Chicago Bears: ANDRE WOODSON, QB, Kentucky
2007- Greg Olson, TE
The cipher lands on a team whose choice of quarterback has never been understood.
26. Dallas Cowboys: HARRY DOUGLAS, WR, Louisville
2007-Anthony Spencer, OLB
This guy looks good. How much is Brohm inflation?
27. New England Patriots: CHEATED
28. San Diego Chargers: CHRIS LONG, DE, UVA
2007- Craig Davis, WR
Son of Howie. Would look great in a Pats uniform.
29. Pittsburgh Steelers: STEVE SLATON, RB, WVU
2007- Lawrence Timmons, LB
Too bad they can't draft Noel Devine.
30. Tennessee Titans: TASHARD CHOICE, RB, Georgia Tech
2007- Michael Griffin, CB
Choice is going to end up in Tennessee and end up an all-Pro. They may take a chance on a WR and wait for him in the second rd, but I doubt it. There's great value at RB: Rice, Slaton, or Mike Hart will be here. It would be interesting to see Felix Jones (McFadden's backup) declare. The real question is what's up with East Carolina's Chris Johnson? He runs a 4.2 forty! The Titans already have a project in Henry and should go with a smallish running back with great vision. Justin Forsett would be a good fit. The Titans can't really go wrong in drafting a first round RB. The only scenario that scares me is drafting a WR in rd one, then Chris Johnson in rd two. Choose one of these great little guys and lets open shit up. But if Maualuga is still on the board...
31. New England (via 49ers): KEITH RIVERS, LB, USC
2007- Brandon Merriweather, FS
The Pats need an LB here. Let's hope Rivers is gone. The best reason to pull for the niners making it to the superbowl.
32. San Francisco 49ers (via Indianapolis): MARIO MANNINGHAM, WR, Michigan
2007- Patrick Wills, LB
Manningham is legit. It would be hard for Tennessee to pass up on him, especially considering the run on WRs that is coming in the next rd. And the dropped pass that will cost us the AFC championship.